“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”—Romans 12:1-2 MSG (via treadingdepths)
J: What do you see when you look down on us from heaven? What is it like knowing the thoughts in our minds? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? What does pure happiness feel like? Without any trace or pain or sadness. I wonder what goes through your mind..
I have yet to reflect on 2013. My mind has just been stuck in the past 2 weeks so I don’t really remember much of my year. My current thoughts on 2013 equals to what I think about the past 2 weeks. And it is not good.
I guess it’s good that I have thursday and friday free. It calls for my year-end time of reflection.
Well 2013, you really managed to screw everyone over just before the year ended didnt you? Congratulations. You’ve done exceptionally well. Just when we all thought that we would transit into the new year seamlessly, you just HAD to screw us all over to prove who’s boss.
Good for you. Screw you satan. Heartless cruel bitch.
No 18-year-old is supposed to have a freaking memorial service for himself. This is so ridiculously messed up. This shouldn’t happen to 18-year-olds. The world is messed up.
I’m so sorry bro. I’m so so sorry. I miss you. I wish you’d come back..
I am sorry.
a message to those who can’t control themselves and insist to help unnecessarily
Pretty darn certain this is gonna happen real soon.
You know what, maybe it’s time these people realised that not everyone who seems to need help actually needs it. Just because someone doesn’t seem to live the way you live doesn’t mean that he needs help. Not everyone wants to ‘talk’ their feelings out, especially not with people like you. He only speaks and shares with people he trusts. And if you’re not one of them, for goodness sake, just leave.
Yet people like you still choose to lurk around and pounce whenever you can. Like annoying little leeches that wants to suck him dry.
You need to learn to let go because the tighter you cling on, the further you drive away the person you want to help.
Just learn to back off. Your services are no longer needed.
"When you look in the mirror every day, you recognise yourself, but when you go back and look at a photo of yourself 20 years ago you say, ‘Wow, I really have changed.’"
This is exactly what happened a few days ago as I chanced upon some photos of myself from 4 years ago. The sense of “I’ve changed” that I felt wasn’t the good kind. It was filled with disbelief and disgust. How did I even live with myself looking like that, being like that. I shall not elaborate any further.
I see how much I’ve changed, a lot in the past 4 years, and much more in the past few months alone. I probably never thought I would ever be where I am today,what can I say, the future is unpredictable.
Whatever lies ahead of me in the next few months, let’s hope things start to change for the better as everyone probably hopes it will.
I am probably not referring to the topic that you think I am. It runs deeper beneath the surface.
Looking at the exam schedule, I am pretty certain that the next 3 weeks is going to fly by. Before I know it, this national exam that I entered this institution to take will be over. I would not be able to make any more changes even if I wanted to. This is it. The end.
I cannot fully understand what I am feeling. Is it feelings of defeat, of hopelessness, of resignation to my apparent fate. Or is it just that I am at peace, knowing that it is not about what I do or what I have done. I hope it’s the latter but no one knows. I guess I will find out next year won’t I?
When your mind is split into two, where the 2 sides are polar opposites and their beliefs are in total contradiction, it isn’t very enjoyable. But I suppose, after dealing with this for quite long, you just learn to live with it, or try to suppress one side in order to preserve your own sanity.
Got back most of my results for prelims except for Econs and GP P1. Surprisingly, I think this might just be my best set of results since I stepped into MJC.
Math: I failed math all the way since J1. I hated math so much and I didn’t really like my teachers either. It was such a pain. During the parent-teacher meeting, to please my mom I told her I’ll aim for a B. But in the weeks leading up to prelims, I was so ready to fail. To cut a long story short, I got a C for Math. For P2, I got 71/100. That’s crazy. I couldn’t even pass math and now I get a A for a paper. And to make this even more amazing, I only studied for 2 hours for this paper. If you can’t see that it’s all Jesus, I don’t know what to say.
GP: Paper 2 was always my weaker component out of the two, I never got above 30/50. My marks usually range about 22-25ish. I just figured that my reading skills sucks and I can’t ever understand what I’m reading. But this time, not only did i get above 30, I got a really high 30ish score of 38/50. Who the heck ever gets 38/50? No one. I was in utter shock.
Biology: I did like bio but i never really got any good grades. Ever since last year, I’ve been getting S and Us. For mid years I got U which i was semi shocked about but it allowed me to stay in Miss Teong’s class which was good! For Prelims, i got B. That’s like a 5 grade jump which is crazy. I was probably the top 4 in the H1 Bio cohort of (30+ students).
Chemistry: I got an E. Which is a slight improvement from my S and Us. I’m definitely more confident in Chemistry now and I know what I need to brush up on for A levels.
By the way, I’m not saying all these things to boast about my intelligence and grades at all. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate talking about my studies cos I really suck at it. It affects me so much to the point that if I talk about it, I’ll cry. So that’s why I avoid the conversation topic of studies at all costs. The improvement in my results is definitely not because of what I did. ( I spent my september holidays slacking and barely studying at all).
This shows me how gracious Daddy God is. And I think He knew that I needed this boost to drive me onto A levels. Without the boost I would probably be wallowing in self pity everyday. For the supposedly most difficult examination in JC, Daddy chose to bless me this way.
All hope isn’t lost, not when you have DaddyGod on your side. When you least expect it, when you least deserve it, it’ll come like a mighty wave.
"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” -Exodus 14:14 (AMP)